"24 S8.18" Recap – “Sellout, With Me Tonight! Sellout, With Me, Oh Yeah!”

24 S8.18 – “Sellout, With Me Tonight! Sellout, With Me, Oh Yeah!”

• Jack is sad over Red’s demising. It’s tough being the only one who can come back from the dead. Repeatedly.
• Chloe has to keep Jack on the leash now that she’s temporary boss. How annoying.
• Junction Jack is dressed and ready to work after being nearly dead a couple of hours ago. Remember when Wayne Palmer tried this? That worked, didn’t it?
• President Evil Little Bitch (PELB) meets with Ivan who looks like he wants to say, ”I’m eating here.”
• PELB tells Ivan he’s gonna blackmail him, but I sense that he’s actually offering himself up for bid. Weasel! Weasel! Weasel!
• Jack shows up at Das Boot’s arraignment. Lucky that the courthouse is downstairs from the hospital. Or he can teleport.
• Jack threatens to kill all of Das Boot’s family unless he tells who whacked Red. DB says it’s Moscow and that Starbitch was who controlled him.
• Once again, the epic fail of the Lifestime Starbuck plotline rears its ugly empty head as we’re supposed to believe the quivering mass of estrogen-flavored Jell-O from the first half of the season is this major player. Just unbelievable.
• Ivan agrees to sign deal. PELB is fist-pumping. Junction Jack doesn’t buy it.
• Jack’s heading back to CTU and gets into a cab and…wait, what? He’s not gonna beam there?
• Chloe wants Damp Boi to make sure Jack doesn’t get too crazy with Starbitch’s talking to.
• PELB wants his Secret Service guy dumped. Petty. Mr. Dominic knows what Jack is up to and Starbitch’s connection to the Ruskies. He must stop Jack.
• WHOOMPF!!! Jack slams Starbitches head on the table and slaps her around. Damp Boi gets the line of the night: ”Let ‘em play.”
• PELB tries to get Prez Cherry to chain up Jack, but she knew Red and ain’t buying it. Whoops.
• PELB spills the beans and JJ and Cherry are aghast. PELB shows why he’s the poster boy for Moral Compromise and tries to sell her a time share in Equivocation City. JJ is really against it. She’s gonna go talk to Jack at CTU.
• Prez arrives at CTU and gives a rah-rah speech for the troops. They’re like, ”Huh?
• Oh, crap. Prez Cherry becomes Prez Chumpy as she decides to stroke her peace spot and sell out Jack for her legacy, doing the deal with a bunch of untrustworthy people. Idiot. She locks down Jack. Bitch.
• Chumpy yells at Chloe. She’s not buying it either. Is everyone gonna go rogue?
• Jack jacks the choppa (Ahnuld pronunciation) - anyone surprised? – and takes off. Chloe calls in the FAA to force him down. Darn it!

Thoughts: I really, REALLY want to find the writers and punch them in the junk for the utter hash they’ve made of the 24 legacy with the utterly slipshod writing this year. It all boils down to poor Katee Sackoff’s character. They hire her and then saddle her with the worst character and plotlines in 24 history. (Yes, even worse than the Kim in the bear trap with the mountain lion/captured by Johnny Drama double-play.)

As I’ve groused about for three months now, they made her a hair-pulling (our hair) simp only to turn around and make her not only a badass, but now the key conduit for a massive international government-sponsored terrorist plot! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!?!? You have one of the few actresses which you can watch Jack Bauer smash her head into a table and punch her repeatedly in the face without wanting to call NOW on him, and you waste her like this?!? ARGH!!!!

And speaking of terribly-written women, let’s talk about Prez Chumpy. After last season, she sent her daughter to prison and sacrificed her marriage. Now, after some “greater good” specifying from PELB, she’s selling out all sympathy for the tough spot she’s in by throwing Jack and the truth under the bus. Who now isn’t rooting for this to blow up in her face?

Hardcores: Jack, Chloe.

Little Bitches: PELB, Prez Chumpy, common sense.

Up Next: Jack is an enemy of the state. He should just call Mrs. Regis and blow up the whole deal.

Episode Score: 8/10

JBBC: Since Jack didn’t kill common sense, his death toll remains at 19.