"24 S8.20" Recap – “When You’ve Got That Itch, You Gotta Scratch Starbitch”

24 S8.20 – “When You’ve Got That Itch, You Gotta Scratch Starbitch”

• Widow Regis gives speech, but doesn’t start singing, “Don’t Cry For Me, Kreplochistan.”
• PELB and Dominic don’t have Starlittlebitch’s best interests at heart, not that she’s worried, ”Bring it on, you son of a bitch.”
• Jack and Damp Boi are at the safe house and Jack gives DB his bullets back. Harsh.
• SLBS-suffering Chloe orders a psyche eval for Jack when he’s brought in. How about you have your memory checked, babe, since you seem to have forgotten the past DECADE!
• Jack and Damp Boi infiltrate the safe house and trick the guards up to the roof by using the old “there’s a horny Girl Scout with free donuts on the roof” trick. (I’d require Asian schoolgirls with pizza to be tricked.)
• Mercenary D.B. warns that that it’s too danger…BAM!!!!! (Saw that coming, unlike D.B.) A quick firefight finnaly boosts the JBBC another 4 kills. Yay violence. More, please.
• Chloe is really annoyed that Jack’s loose again. Suck it, sourpuss.
• Jack threatens Starlittlebitch, it’s looking pretty haggard in an “entertained a frat on Homecoming Weekend” way that’s not so hot. The evidence is in a box in a van by the river, er, bank. Whatever.
• Why is Widow Regis smiling so much? Her husband has been dead less than 4 hours and she looks like she’s announcing her appearance on the next season of “The Widowette.”
• Prez Chumpy is freaking out over SB getting loose. PELB spins and puts Dominic into CTU. Chumpy abides.
• Ivan and PELB meet to worry about SB and Jack and send more bears after him. (And I don’t mean hairy gay dudes.)
• Jack, DB and SB arrive at the bank and the two major questions are: 1) Will DB find a way to sell out Jack (since we see him busted at that doorway in the previews), and B) should Jack pick the toaster oven or clock radio with iPod dock for opening a new account?
• Dominic arrives with sidekick Ivanka Trump and takes over the manhunt for Jack. Chloe is uber-annoyed, but may be starting to realize how pwned she is getting. Kill orders are issued.
• While waiting for the safe deposit box, SB tells her boo-boo-kitty backstory to DB. He’s smart enough to figure a gun’s in the box (maybe he saw her with a gun in the preview), but not bright enough to realize a flashbang is in the box, too. (I smelled that coming.)
• Dominic finds Jack on the bank feed and sends the local flatfoots to get pwned by Jack. (A couple days after the real NYPD kept people in Times Square from getting blowed up, it’s a little lame to see them so easy jumped and shot Terminator 2-style, but such is TV.)
• Jack chases Starbitch down and corners her, getting the evidence. She tries to make a deal with the most pissed off guy on the planet and FAILS EPICALLY as Jack summarily executes the character who (at the command of her writers) single-handedly destroyed 24!!!! That counts as ONE HUNDRED KILLS!!!!!

Thoughts: While it’s nice to have the most crowd-pleasing moment of Jackitude since he yelled at Janeane Garofalo last year, the cost has been too high to bear.

Hardcores: Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, and JACK!!!!

Little Bitches: Chloe, Prez Chumpy, Starbitch (BIH), Damp Boi.

Up Next: Now the Ruskies get a crack at Jack and Jack gets a blow torch. (Making crème brûlée, perhaps?)

Episode Score: 7/10

JBBC: With the dispatching of Agent D.B., three Red Shirts and Starbitch, Jack’s kill count soars to an all-time high of 123 kills! Booyah!!!!