Oscars 2018 Livesnark

Another year, another wasted Sunday night as the Virtual Signalling Olympics for movie stars were a thing and I was on the case via my @DirkBelig Twitter account. Now for your dining and dancing pleasure here's what I had to say:

• Sigh....here we go. Another year of the circle-jerking, virtue-signaling, Festival of Hypocrisy bka the #Oscars as gazillionaires lecture us about income inequality and demand serf disarmament, then wanting us to see Murderdeathkill 3 at theaters this weekend.
• First orange flag (signifying Hollyweird's desire that #2A be repealed for the Normals, while they have private armed security because shut up) spotted on Lin-Manuel Miranda, famous for his musical about a Founding Father who wanted the People armed against his ilk. #Oscars
• Only took a whole two minutes for the first of surely many, many cheap shots at Trump at the #Oscars. So edgy. Really going on on a limb, Jimmy.
  
  Looks like they're broadcasting from inside of Elizabeth Taylor's jewelry box.
• 63 million people are being punched in the face repeatedly by Jimmy Kimmel's #Oscars monologue. Show business is the only business that believes insulting the PAYING customers to preen for their elite pals has no downside. Idiots.
  
  Helen Mirren as Price Is Right model.  :)
• Best Supporting Actor goes to Sam Rockwell. I would've voted for Richard Jenkins, but this is fine. (That Armie Hammer wasn't nominated is nuts.) Fun speech. #Oscars
• MOI (about Gal Gadot): That's a nice dress.
  
  MISSUS: She could wear a paper bag and look good.
  
  MOI: This is true.
  
  MISSUS: So could [Armie Hammer] for that matter. #Oscars
• Eva Marie Saint is 93. Wowsers. She's in better shape, looks and cognitively, than Lindsay Lohan.
  
  Best Costume Design goes to Phantom Thread. This is correct. #Oscars
• Kimmel is all-in on being as negative and divisive as possible hosting the #Oscars. Not funny, not entertaining; nope, just furiously showing off for his fellow elites. Can't wait to see the ratings for this mess.
  
  Icarus wins Best Documentary Feature. Haven't seen this yet.
•  Whomever is cutting these #Oscars montages deserves some acclaim. The stage is pretty classy, too.
  
  Best Sound Editing goes to Dunkirk. [shrug]
•  The Dee Rees (who should've been nominated instead of Greta Gerwig for Best Director) Walmart-#Oscars advert was cute and an instant "give her a comic book movie" moment, but note the lack of a father because SocJus demands men be erased.
• Irony is sending out two actors who LEGALLY immigrated to America to lecture the Normals watching the #Oscars that they need to STFU about the invaders among them.
  
  Best Production Design is The Shape of Water. Acceptable choice.
  
  What is up with that guy's sleeves?
• Was there a sale at Too Small Velvet Jacket Warehouse? Must have been judging from the #Oscars suits the menfolk are wearing.
  
  Best Supporting Actress goes to Allison Janney to the surprise of no one. (I would've voted for her, too.) Nice speech opener and long w/o notes.
• St. Vincent = HAWT! #Oscars
• Surprise win for Blade Runner 2049 for Best Visual Effects #Oscars. Tough category where all were legit contenders, but I would've ranked it fifth. Would probably have voted for War for the Planet of the Apes.
•  Best Editing goes to Dunkirk. Spare me. The movie was pure confusion narratively. Baby Driver would've been my vote. Not sure why The Florida Project wasn't nominated here. #Oscars
• It would be wonderful if the audience they're about to surprise on the #Oscars was filled with people who just got out of prison a few days ago.
  
  Note that most of the stars participating are those in blockbuster movies who know hating the fans is bad business.
•  Just realized that the black #Oscars envelopes with YUGE gold type are probably to make it really, really, REALLY difficult to hand the presenters the wrong category undetected since they're visible from the lobby. Or orbit.
• Common - who won an Oscar for the dastardly "hands up, don't shoot" lie - is back with more agitprop. At least this year he's highly unlikely to be rewarded for these antics. Oh, look, all the white liberals are standing up as ordered at the #Oscars
• Unlike the Golden Globes, the #Oscars are paying some lip service to all the raping that went on with the silence and complicity of half of that crowd. No sign of Rose McGowan, though. No love for #rosearmy
• Best Adapted Screenplay goes to to Call Me By Your Name checking off the pink box with a career win for a long-lived veteran. (I would've voted for Mudbound, then The Disaster Artist.)
  
  Best Original goes to Get Out, which was my vote. Watch it twice to appreciate the skill.
• FINALLY!!! Roger Deakins wins Best Cinematography! Darkest Hour, Mudbound and The Shape of Water were all very nice, but Blade Runner 2049 was good and this bloke has been overlooked by the #Oscars for too long. Huzzah!
• And for the 38th straight year the Academy fails to use Jim Carroll's "People Who Died" for the #Oscars people who died segment. FAIL!!! So who will be the biggest snubs/overlooks this year?
•  Best Director goes to Guillermo del Toro for Grinding Nemo, which I'd be cool with if it hadn't been damaged by his usual slide into graphic violence & sex when it's simply not necessary. His movies are always lovely, but never quite gel. Would've voted for Jordan Peele. #Oscars
• Best Actor goes to Gary Oldman. When I saw the first trailer for Darkest Hour, I said it should've been title "Gary Oldman's Getting An Oscar This Year, Dammit!" and it is well-deserved.
  
  From Sid Vicious to Zorg to Churchill. All together now: EVERYONE!!!! #Oscars
• Best Actress goes to Frances McDormand to the surprise of no one. Didn't care for Three Billboards because it rang false over and over as there were no repercussions, but she was good and I support this win. Terrible dress. Obnoxious speech. Finance quality. #Oscars
• Best Picture is Grinding Nemo, aka Amélie F*cks The Creature From The Black Lagoon. BZZZZTT!!! The correct answer was Get Out or Darkest Hour.
  
  Quick, name GdT's last film? Nope, not Pacific Rim, it was Crimson Peak. Really.
  
  I didn't care for most of this year's #Oscars films.