"The Union" 4K Review

 Another week, another star-studded Netflix Original that will be consumed and forgotten almost immediately. This week's movie snack is The Union, a blandly-titled spy caper action film packed with more talent than in deserves slumming for a check & being able to shoot in nice places.

After an opening sequence in Trieste, Italy where an unnamed squad of military gear-clad operatives led by Nick (Mike Colter, Luke Cage) and supervised by Roxanne (Oscar-winner Halle Berry, ) are all killed by unknown snipers along with the guy they'd grabbed who had a McGuffin briefcase containing the identities of every spy for every agency in the world; the case which was spirited away by someone after the squad wipe.

 We then meet Mike (two-time Oscar nominee Mark Wahlberg, Ted 2), a New Jersey working schmo who is banging his 7th-grade English teacher (Dana Delany) who kicks him out in the morning, so he passes her husband having breakfast in the kitchen in the morning (wait, what?!?), on his way home to where he lives with his mother (Lorraine Bracco, looking hefty). After a quick montage showing him doing his blue collar job, he and the boys adjourn to the bar for brewskis.

Into this dive arrives Roxanne, who turns out to be an old high school flame of Mike's. After some drinking and flirting, she takes him to their old makeout spot where she then injects him with something. He wakes up in London to find out she works for the Union (roll credits!), a secret spy agency that's less blue bloods and more blue collar in their recruiting. The London office is led by Tom (Oscar-winner J.K. Simmons, Portal 2) and staffed by a colorful assortment of caricatures including Foreman (Oscar-nominee Jackie Earle Haley, Breaking Away) and some other red shirts. (Spoiler alert!)

 Ted wants Mike to lead an attempt to recover the McGuffin so after a montage showing how Marky Mark, er, Mike packs six months of training into a couple of weeks, off they go for a bunch of capering, action, double crosses and a bunch of stuff that I can't even remember as I write this review two weeks later and frankly don't feel like tabbing over to the Wikipedia page to look up.

 The Union tries to be a comedy, a spy thriller, an action flick, with some romantic tension mixed in because of course while trotting around Europe's nicer areas in bright 4K Dolby Vision. I kind of want to compare it to the Kevin Hart Netflix caper flick Lift which aired last January before disappearing from everyone's memory, but I can't remember much about that and don't feel like reading my review again.

After her appearance in John Wick: Chapter Three -Parabellum I thought Berry deserved a shot at more action roles, but should've specified "in good movies" like the John Wick series. She's looking great at 56 (at time of filming in 2022), but whoever thought the blonde "Karen" hairstyle with these long hanks falling over one eye half the time was a good look must've harbored deep resentment toward her. Bad hair, BAD!

Everyone else seems to be having fun collecting a paycheck to make believe in luxurious places, so who cares about the performances or anything else in this forgettable piece of content?

If you've got a bright 4K TV, you'll get your money's worth from the colorful cinematography, but you can find plenty of great demo videos on YouTube with better plots than The Union.

Score: 4/10. Skip it.